The Intent of Words

I’m back from my vacation and have done so so so so so much self reflection about how I’ve been operating and just the everyday joys I have for my life.
Something consistent that always happens whenever I go on any sort of trip is I think about new ways to show gratitude for my life and what I have, even when things feel like they’re falling apart.

In this trip I feel the focus came to be around speaking with intention.

There are 2 moments that come to me while I reflect about this trip. The first of which was when I spoke ceramicist (I forgot her name I will not lie).

Her work was beautiful and struck me, I loved how the colors contrasted with each other and allowed the figure of everything she made to pop.

When we first started to speak it was just about how she recently started adding color to her creations and was just doing her best with what she had.

Our conversation easily flowed into being about me and what I did in my life and how I came to express myself in the manners in which I do.

She had told me prior to me opening up that it’s clear I like words and language. It never came to me that I could be perceived like that but I came to speak the way I do because I always wanted to have the words to explain who I am. No matter how complex.

But really looking at back at the interaction I have nothing but gratitude. I feel like it was a moment where I could finally exhale and breathe. I had never taken too much time about just the amount of change I had committed myself to.

Being able to talk about how my life has grown and shifted to bring me to the mindset I have now really made me appreciate all the work I’ve done to become me. I had grown jaded to my own life and the hardships I commit to that being able to speak freely to her put it in perspective.
The compliments I received and gratitude for opening up made me glad to have stayed true to myself.

It was like a piece of myself that I had chose to ignore for so long had finally been able to open up and be hugged.

I felt seen.

Its been common thing lately for me to receive compliments weather it be about how I carry myself, speak, or look. It’s a new feeling as I’ve used to always be one to try and force myself to grow out of negativity. This type of thinking was just a result of how I was raised. A house where love was silent.

On my path for happiness I had come to reorient myself to having a more positive attitude around everything in my life.

The first seeds was just trying to change how I viewed my approach to my life. I am not a forever victim to what happens to me. (it may be a bit delusional) But my life unfolds the way it does because I can handle it.

Everything that happens to me, happens for me to keep growing. It’s my choice for how it will affect my growth even with any trauma that may occur. It’s up to me to do the work if I want to see change in my daily circumstance.

But this isn’t just about the physical labor I do. It’s how I speak on my day to day. What are my subconscious thoughts that I eventually act on with that same unawareness.

My everyday thoughts, my everyday speech all played into my perspective shift for having such a deep love for my everyday life – even with the mundane, hardships, or pains that occur alongside it – Just writing this I wish I could let it all be known but it can’t. The joy and love that I have is something that can only be expressed.
Expressed in how I live, how I create, and how I change.

The positive shift my thoughts and speech have now, was once meaningless.
(all things are really but that’s a different conversation)
Positivity with no target. A generic things are good here or there. Or a I’m feeling great to try and lift me up. Although a great start the lack of focus hampered me in ways I was unaware.

On this trip something that was always brought up to me was about the importance if building a connection with everyday life through our speech. Whether it be just talking to some plants or speaking to acknowledge what we eat or drink. The importance was in being present in the activities we commit ourselves to.

I won’t lie it was uncomfortable to start speaking out like this. To speak for just me. But I feel the changes I feel are immediate. I feel just talking has furthered my appreciation for the moment just a bit more. And layering this with gratitude and joy has made me feel free and at peace.

I don’t think there is any amount of words I could spew to capture what I feel. But the intent is there.