What would you do if a childhood dream came true?

My mom got married a bit ago. I remember talking about this day with friends back in first grade, it feels crazy to say this day actually came.

It didn’t feel real going through that rehearsal. Paired up with the maids of honor, seeing so many family members in completely different stages of their life. It’s like I had walked into a different world.

I had been going on with my life not thinking about this moment, or doing my best not to. Honestly I just didn’t want to acknowledge this change because parents, paternal roles, and how I feel in that mix all just is something that’s uncomfortable for me.
My mom was a single mother. Maternity was something she was unprepared for. Having me only 2 weeks after her 19th birthday in the midst of her new college life.

There was so much struggle that went into my birth and how I was raised that it took its toll on her and my family.

Growing up there was many many times in which I wish I hadn’t been born so that my family didn’t have to had dealt with the added stress of my existence.
Whenever I would tell them for how I was sorry for being alive, they would tell me

“you’re the greatest thing that happened to us all”

My mom went through so much struggle while I was growing up and I really thought that I was the center of it all. My birth had derailed her entire life.

As a child I knew my life was different. I didn’t have both parents. I felt outcasted and isolated. I felt I always struggled to relate to everyone around me just because of how my home life was structured.

Seeing my mom get into relationships I always yearned that I would be able to experience a ‘normal’ family so I could finally fit in.

In first grade is when I really remembered meeting one of her boyfriends and I thought this is the guy I would be able to call my dad. I don’t remember exactly why, but I really thought that he and my mom would get married.
I remember telling my friends at school that my mom was going to be getting married soon and that I would have a dad!

The day never came,

Relationships are hard man. Complex and require growth and humility to be at its best.

I don’t know what my mom’s love life was like but I know it was hard. I respect her so much for her tenacity.
Our own relationship is complex too, its been through so much. With lows I was never sure we could return from I’m proud to see how the new seedlings we planted for each other have grown so far.

My mom got engaged on July 4, 2024.
At that point in time I had felt that we were both on our journey towards following our self expression precisely as we needed. I saw it as just another event in her life, I was happy for her. She was previously engaged to a man that swindled both her and me with sweet nothings. We had to grow.

She cultivated the life that she wanted and I did the same. Excelling in each our individuality to its fullest as we needed for this time in our lives.

September 4, 2025.

The wedding rehearsal, it wasn’t registering what was occurring. People from her life saw me and were amazed to see the person I’ve grown into, while I either didn’t recognize them or knew them as a faint haze from some random point in childhood.
These catchups annoy me but I appreciate the ability to see people like that again.

We near the end of the rehearsal. My mom is happy and talking to the planner, everyone is grouped up talking and excited for the future. Then someone says to make them official!

MRS.RICHARDSON

My throat swells, my vision blurs, I clap autonomously, a tear runs down my face. More water runs down, I try wiping it but they keep coming, I slip away into the bathroom, I let out my muffled cries best I can. My heart aches. I don’t know why. I’m happy for her but I feel so alone.
Someone comes in, I silence myself, every breath I take weakens my muzzle, I crack, my sniffles are heard, “oh hey Xander what’s up”, I say hey back, he leaves, I look in the mirror, eyes pink, dried rivers on my face, I breathe.
I wipe my face, put some chapstick on and make my lips shiny so I feel sexy.
Poorly put back together I make eye contact with myself, I’m young, hot, and 21 I say to myself. Lets have fun.

September 6, 2025. It’s wedding day

It felt like a normal day
I got ready and felt pretty in my suit with my hair done and whatnot. I smoke with my step brother to be. We don’t talk much but we know this is just for them.

My mom looked beautiful, I could see she was tired and was ready to just be done with all of this. The day was fun.

It came and went, what I had wanted so badly as a child had arrived and it barley meant anything. I feel that the wish I had let go of came back to me when I was ready to live with it as the person I needed to be. And maybe that’s the case for her too.

I love my mom. I’m glad to see the person that she’s grown into and have her day.

My first memory was her college graduation and my “first” memory of my new adult life is her wedding