Describe a decision you made in the past that helped you learn or grow.
I feel that time and time again I’ve been put into situations that force me to either choose myself or stay within cycles of being unfulfilled.
I love to love, I love to give, and it hurts knowing that I have to keep myself so reserved sometimes. Whether it be how I am perceived or am taken advantage of it hurts to have needed to learn to stop the care that I want to show everyone at all times.
There were times I became a personal taxi for some because I wanted a friend so badly, other times I would over extend my giving nature to those that just wanted to take.
I was so confused as to why I felt I could only find myself around people that never saw me for me. So I stopped.
It’s shockingly hard to try and stop yourself from being such a doormat when it’s what you allowed yourself to be for so long.
It came to a breaking point for me when I had a conversation with myself. Torn between two modes of self expression. I want to love others, I want to be able to pour my all into a relationship and grow alongside someone, not just romantically but in a platonic way too. But I surrounded myself with people that wouldn’t pour into me the way I did them, I needed to learn to care for myself in the same manners I tried to for everyone else.
Do I actually love myself?
This was the question that caused the real shift in my self expression. If I loved myself I wouldn’t act in certain ways, if I loved myself I would complete my tasks, follow my passions and create the life I love. Create the life that loves me too.
The moment I would say this shift was solidified was when I created this blog. It embodied the ways in which I knew I wanted to hear myself and express my thoughts in a way nothing else could adequately compare. I learn more about my own mind with each post, I grow with every word I wrote and it is all a testament to the amount of self love I have for myself.
alexander makes a blog 
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