I think I found myself again

Lately I’ve been doing everything in my power to make as much art as possible. I feel like I’ve been going crazy but I love it.
Something I find fundamental to my happiness is self expression. Creating all this art in every manner leans heavily into that.
Last week I went to Shenandoah and I felt like I could accept myself being at peace. I wanted to write but I felt like I should have waited a little bit.

That urge to write has been a bit dormant for me lately, normally this sort of expression allows for me to make more and more space in my mind. Whatever turbulence was in my mind finds its river out with my words.

But it hasn’t been a necessity anymore.

In the past month I’ve dedicated myself leaning into all of my artistry. I started playing the bass guitar and picked up painting!

Whatever unutterable aspect to me has been brewing needed some other avenues to leak out. Although writing helps it doesn’t reach the same depth (sometimes)
I’ve needed something spontaneous and I think painting and music has answered that need.

Where my mind can be a wild whirlwind the focus of creation obtained with these mediums lets me experience peace to a new degree. And its held.

It’s been scary to realize I have peace now. I feel that I’ve had to fight for it time and time again, building myself up out of hard circumstance. So much so that not having hurdles in front of me brings me a sense of paranoia.

Since coming home I’ve been settling in with this.
I am exactly where I want to be.
I worked so hard for it.

Something I wrote when I was 5

When I’m in sixth grade, I hope: it has art class
When I’m in high school, I would like to: be calculus, math, and english
When I’m 25, I hope I will be: Artist computer
When I grow up, I would really like to: be an artist and do oragamiee (origami)

I forgot what I wanted, I forgot how to get there, and I came back to myself.